New Criticals

I Listened to the New Owls Track So You Don’t Have To No Really Please God Don’t


Goddammit, there I was, all ready to drop an opus matching my favorite records of 2013 to their corresponding NFL playoff teams, when Owls had to come lumbering back to life and shit in my bed again. Thanks, Owls; now the world will never know why Pusha-T is the Seattle Seahawks, and Yeezus is the Denver Broncos!  And to Sports Illustrated: call me!

For those who spent their adolescences doing productive things like running for student government or playing intramural lacrosse, Owls were a stop-gap band in the earl 2000s, sharing members with and transitioning between punk-ish emo pioneers Cap'n Jazz and yelpier weirdos Joan of Arc. Now, for reasons I must assume have to do with consumers only paying to see bands with decade(s)-old names, they are BACK: just as piddling and unnecessary as the first time, but with far darker implications.